Continued from the previous post.

With regard to basing one’s “performance” on the presence or absence of orgasm alone, this can be a huge detractor from the overall sexual experience. Not only do I hear droves of women complaining that hearing “Did you come yet?” is a total mood-killer, but when you’re focused on performance, you’re far less likely to enjoy the ride.

In short, sex shouldn’t feel like “work”, so take the pressure off. I’m not suggesting you be wholly selfish and ignore your partner’s needs, but if something feels like work, it’s probably not working. Reframe your approach to do things you enjoy and take pleasure in your partner’s pleasure and drop the goal-oriented approach.

In terms of women needing lots of romance, seduction, and stimulation, this is sometimes the case. And sometimes it’s not. Some women like lots of stimulation, foreplay and romancing while others could care less for it. Some women love penetration, while others prefer to play with their outer-pa...

In the past few weeks, I’ve heard three men comment that “women are hard work” when it comes to sex. Each of these statements was framed as a bit of a concern with regard to how much romancing, seduction, and stimulation is required for women to experience both sexual desire and orgasm. I think this is an interesting observation shared by a number of men and I have a few thoughts on the topic…

I write (and teach) a lot about all the work that goes into sexual relationships as well as the need to cultivate desire and work for sexual arousal — and though both women and men generally require both physical (body-based) and subjective (mind-based) arousal to enjoy sex, it is possible that my work emphasizes the need to work up and arouse women more so than men. So it follows that people may be left with the impression that women are more “work” than men when it comes to sex.

Now I wouldn’t refer to romance and sex play as “work”, but I understand that it may feel this way for a partner wh...

Sex is Healthy. But it's also healthy to not experience sexual attraction.

In my business, we talk a lot about being sex-positive. This means that we see sex as a natural, healthy part of human life and that we're open to a range of interests, tastes, desires and behaviours. We try not to judge others based on their unique sexual inclinations and we believe in sexual rights -- including the right to accurate information, the right to engage in consensual activities and the right to enjoy sexual fantasies.

But this doesn't mean that we believe that people ought to engage in sexual activities or that they must have sexual fantasies if these things don't seem desirable or even natural. Each person's interest in sex varies over time with age, lifestyle, health, stress, partners, peers and a confluence of other factors. And some people do not experience sexual attraction at all -- some research suggests that approximately one percent of the population is asexual. But what does this mean?

Sex is Healthy. But it's also healthy to not experience sexual attraction.

In my business, we talk a lot about being sex-positive. This means that we see sex as a natural, healthy part of human life and that we're open to a range of interests, tastes, desires, and behaviours. We try not to judge others based on their unique sexual inclinations and we believe in sexual rights -- including the right to accurate information, the right to engage in consensual activities and the right to enjoy sexual fantasies.

But this doesn't mean that we believe that people ought to engage in sexual activities or that they must have sexual fantasies if these things don't seem desirable or even natural. Each person's interest in sex varies over time with age, lifestyle, health, stress, partners, peers and a confluence of other factors. And some people do not experience sexual attraction at all -- some research suggests that approximately one percent of the population is asexual. But what does this mean?...

Breasts! They are often at the forefront of sex play and are lovely, beautiful parts of the female body.

We hear a lot about breast health and the importance of checking them regularly as part of the breast cancer screening process and this message is of paramount importance, so please do be sure to check your breasts.

There is, however, a lot more to our mammary glands than health and cancer prevention alone. Here are a few fun breast facts:

• Size doesn’t matter when it comes to sexual pleasure. Breasts come in a wide variety of shapes, sizes, colours and even textures and while women’s breasts seem to be growing (likely due to body weight increases), breast size does not impact a woman’s experience of physical pleasure. One factor that does seem to influence sensitivity and pleasure is the menstrual cycle and fluctuating hormone levels with many women reporting greater sensitivity during ovulation and less sensitivity during the first two weeks of their cycle.

• Breasts get bigg...

Breasts! Also referred to as ta tas, love pillows, boobies, titties and melons, breasts are often at the forefront of sex play and are lovely, beautiful parts of the female body.

We hear a lot about breast health and the importance of checking them regularly as part of the breast cancer screening process and this message is of paramount importance, so please do be sure to check your breasts.

There is, however, a lot more to our mammary glands than health and cancer prevention alone. Here are a few fun breast facts:

• Size doesn’t matter when it comes to sexual pleasure. Breasts come in a wide variety of shapes, sizes, colours and even textures and while women’s breasts seem to be growing (likely due to body weight increases), breast size does not impact a woman’s experience of physical pleasure. One factor that does seem to influence sensitivity and pleasure is the menstrual cycle and fluctuating
hormone levels with many women reporting greater sensitivity during ovulation and less s...

Mastilagnia refers to deriving sexual pleasure from whipping or being whipped.

Mechanophilia describes sexual attraction to machines including trains, bicycles, planes and other mechanical devices. If machines turn you on, you might want to check out this very lifelike robot girlfriend who offers both conversation and sex!

Milking the Prostate refers to the process of stimulating the male prostate gland with a finger or other object inserted through the anus. The term “milking” often describes a prostate massage that culminates in ejaculation.

Muff Diving is slang for cunnilingus or going down on a woman. Looking for a few tips on muff diving? Click here!

Mooseknuckles is a term used to describe the outline of the male genitals revealed through tight pants, shorts or other clothing.

How do you know if you're ready?

What a great question! But the only person who can really provide an answer is you. If you feel ready, willing and prepared and have taken some time to consider how you feel, then you may very well be ready. If you feel unsure of your preparedness, then you should probably wait until you feel more comfortable.

I wish I could tell you that 5.6 dates or 904 minutes of dating-time means that you're ready to hop in the sack, but the reality is that every person and every situation is unique. It shouldn't matter what everyone else is doing (forget about that so-called third date rule), because your body is your own and you have to choose to do (or not do) as you feel fit.

As a sexologist, I advocate for sexual rights, health, education and pleasure and spending a lot of time talking about the many upsides of sexual activity. I also provide education to reduce the potential risks associated with sex and embracing a sex-positive approach. This in no way mea...

How do you know if you're ready?

The only person who can really provide an answer is you. If you feel ready, willing and prepared and have taken some time to consider how you feel, then you may very well be ready. If you feel unsure of your preparedness, then you should probably wait until you feel more comfortable.

I wish I could tell you that 5.6 dates means that you're ready to hop in the sack, but the reality is that every person and every situation is unique. It shouldn't matter what everyone else is doing (forget about that so-called third date rule), because your body is your own and you have to choose to do (or not do) as you feel fit.

As a sexologist, I advocate for sexual rights, health, education and pleasure. I also provide education to reduce the potential risks associated with sex and embracing a sex-positive approach. This in no way means that I think all sex is wonderful. I also don't believe that people need to make sex a greater priority unless they want to. Sexual...

Real Aphrodisiacs

Combining food and sex really is the ultimate indulgence. Just ask George Costanza. And if a pastrami on rye sandwich isn't exactly what you have in mind when it comes to sensual eating, a new study may offer some tips on how to add a little sugar and spice to your sex life.

A Canadian review of 150 international studies found that saffron, the world's most expensive spice, has been shown to enhance sexual performance and satisfaction. Maybe this is why saffron couscous is so tasty! Panax ginseng (or Korean ginseng) may also offer sex benefits by improving erectile functioning in men and arousal frequency in women.

Other spice rack staples like cloves, sage and nutmeg may also enhance sexual stimulation. And though the lab experiments with these threespices with rats have yet to be replicated in humans, I'm now beginning to understand why my local grocery stores always seem to be sold out of sage...and apple pie.

For an oral approach to boosting your libido, you m...