Some Women Are “Easy”: Part 2

Continued from the previous post.

With regard to basing one’s “performance” on the presence or absence of orgasm alone, this can be a huge detractor from the overall sexual experience. Not only do I hear droves of women complaining that hearing “Did you come yet?” is a total mood-killer, but when you’re focused on performance, you’re far less likely to enjoy the ride.

In short, sex shouldn’t feel like “work”, so take the pressure off. I’m not suggesting you be wholly selfish and ignore your partner’s needs, but if something feels like work, it’s probably not working. Reframe your approach to do things you enjoy and take pleasure in your partner’s pleasure and drop the goal-oriented approach.

In terms of women needing lots of romance, seduction, and stimulation, this is sometimes the case. And sometimes it’s not. Some women like lots of stimulation, foreplay and romancing while others could care less for it. Some women love penetration, while others prefer to play with their outer-parts. Just like men, many women require physical stimulation to become sexually aroused while others can just hop on and enjoy as soon as the mood strikes. And while some women may reach orgasm after twenty minutes of sex play, there are others who can’t help but orgasm within a New York minute. The bottom line is that every person is different. Period.

And I should note that I also meet lots of men who require more “work” as well. I have counselled many men who require seduction, romancing and lots of sensual relaxation in order to get in the mood for sex. That’s right! Not every guy is rarin’ to go at the drop of a dime. Just like women, every guy is different.

One thing that seems to work with many of my clients to improve sexual communication and experience is learning techniques for subjective as opposed to physical arousal.