Have More Fun With Orgasms!

Happier Couples

Have More Fun With Orgasms!

31:16

 

• What makes an orgasm bigger or better?
• How do you know if you or a partner has had an orgasm?
• Can some bodies orgasm more easily than others?

Tune in for an orgasm Q&A on everything from faking to mindfulness and more. Brought to you by our friends at Love Shop. Don't miss their Black Friday & Cyber Monday 50% off sales. And if the sales are over, save 15% and get discreet 2-4 day shipping with code DRJESS.

Be sure to check out the Mind Blowing Oral: Penis or Clit edition sale at HappierCouples.com. Use code PODCAST to save 25% on this comprehensive video course designed to help you perfect your moves and learn some new skills all while laughing along to Dr. Jess' hilarious jokes.

If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Have More Fun With Orgasms!

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I'm your cohost, Brandon Ware, are here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. We are talking orgasms today. Give me your best orgasm. I'm not going to. Oh, no. And we're done. Why is it an oh, no? I was going to say no. I wasn't going to do it, but it happened too quickly and I rolled with it. Okay, we are answering your questions about orgasms. They have been piling up. I have a whole heap of them in my email, and we're going to try and get to as many of them as possible today. And before we get to your questions, I want to announce a new partnership with our friends over at Love Shop Toys. And I'm super excited to be working with them because I've been chatting with them recently and we're really aligned on, obviously, the mission of destigmatizing sex talk and just starting more conversations around the topic. And they have sent me a box of goodies that are totally different than any of the other goodies and toys I've talked about in the past. So I'm going to briefly tell you about three of them. They sent me a whole lot more than three. So it's been a busy week. But I started with three flower toys. So the rose in the thistle, the pionee and the callalilli. And Brennan's going to say it's. How do you say pionee? Peony. Fine. Peony. Whatever. But my mother said, pioneering up. I'm going to start there. Always start with your mom. And I'm biased because the pionee is my favorite flower. My mom grows them in her garden. They only boom for this short period of time, which for me, makes them feel special. So I was totally ready to love this toy and I did. So it is very different in its design than any other product I've used because it has these kind of tiny bristles or silicone ticklers, sort of like the very, very soft bristles of a head massager. Or when I was growing up, we had this really soft potato cleaning brush. But anyhow, you'll see bristles like this or massagers in facial products, right? The kind that sort of vibrate on your face to clean up the skin and improve circulation. And I hope I'm describing it properly, but if you want a visual, head on over to Loveshoptoys.com. Dr. Jess. I really like this one because it's really gentle. And here is the kicker. For me, the sensations felt really diffused and dispersed, as opposed to being kind of pinpointed. So if you're more sensitive or you just like a more diffuse sensation, this one is for you, the pionee. Next, I tried the Kala Lily, and this one was interesting because it mimics the movements of a flicking tongue with this kind of soft silicone attachment. And it was this cool sensation because it's just different than a vibrator or a section toy. And it's shaped like a tongue. It has all these different patterns and intensities you can play with, and the tongue sort of pokes out of the lily bass and it moves around in ways that a tongue might be able to do, but unlike a tongue, it never tires out. And I would say of the three in this group, this was probably my favorite because the technology is just so different than what I'm used to. And then we have the rose in the thistle, and you've probably heard of roses before.

This one, though, is a do it all toy because it has two parts and all these different functions. So the rose offers that section sensation around the head of the clit externally, and it's quite powerful. And then it's attached by a short cord to the thistle, which is, I guess a medium sized bullet vibrator, like larger for me, but I guess it depends what you use. And this part actually vibes and thrusts. So it has two different motors and controls so you can create a gazillion different combos. I mean, not a gazillion. I think they say over 120 combos between the pulsation and the suction strengths and the thrusting speeds and the vibe patterns. So if you want something that can be a lot more overwhelming and maybe it's not your first product, although I don't know if it's your first product, I think you've probably used a product before, but the rose and thistle was really cool. So these products are over at Loveshoptoys, loveshoptoys.com Drjust. Where right now everything is on major sale. A lot of that stuff is 50% off because we're going into Thanksgiving weekend in the States, and obviously you can be listening to this at any time. But if it is Thanksgiving weekend, just head on over to Loveshoptoys.com Drjss. If you can remember that but loveshoptoys.com. And if you do miss it after the weekend and the sales are over, you can still use Code Doctor Jess to save 15% off all of their regular price products. So that includes the high end products that you kind of never get the 15% discount off of. So you can go check them out. They've got discrete shipping. It can ship out and gets you in two to four days with purchases over $50. So check that outlochoptoys.com. But my big question is, where can people see you juggling sex toys? Oh, well, you can also find me. I hope they post that up on the landing page, on the Dr. Jess page. Loveshoptoys.com Dr. Jess I tried juggling these toys and I learned a lesson. So if you've ever juggled, you'll know that different sizes and shapes of juggling balls or juggling objects makes it really difficult. I acknowledge I suck at juggling. I'm like a very terrible amateur juggler. But what I learned from these was that the three I was holding were actually sort of the same size and shape, but they were different weights. And it's actually the different weighting that makes it more challenging to juggle because you have to, I guess, throw them at different with different intensities or with different forces, anyhow different conversation altogether. I really like that we're getting into the technical side of juggling. So whether you're looking to have an orgasm or learning to juggle, head on over to Loveshop.com Drjs. Yeah, I would love to teach people to juggle, but I kind of suck. I am not a person to learn to juggle from, but I can juggle. Our way onto our topic and we're going to get into your questions. So we've got a range and I'm just going to start with the ones that seem, I think, the most fundamental, starting with what is an orgasm? How do I know if I've had an orgasm? So an orgasm tends to refer to this high point of pleasure that feels like this really intense release, and it usually involves some muscular contractions, but that's sort of a very clinical description of it. It's usually the point that feels really good and feels like a release. Like, Brendan, how do you know if you've orgasm? I've made a mess. I've made a mess, I've made a mess. You know how to follow that. It feels different for everyone. So, you'll know, I think when it feels like you've just got this fairly sudden release of tension, so there's this big buildup and then you feel very, very relieved, it can feel different for everyone. It can feel euphoric. It can just feel like a little bit of a subtle relief. It can feel intense. At other times, you can find yourself huffing and puffing and panting or it might just feel like I don't know. Do you have anything to add about how you know if you've orgasm? Ten? I think it's what you said that intense tension for me, followed by an intense release. And it's interesting because you said that you've made a mess, but you've also had dry orgasms. So I think that might be a better question that applies more across the board. Yes, if you ejaculate, you kind of know. And that doesn't mean I should clarify enough. Talked about this in previous episodes. Ejaculation and orgasm are actually distinct processes, but for a lot of people with penises, they happen at the same time, almost all the time. But you've had a dry orgasm, which is a totally different experience. Yeah, I was completely confused as to what was happening more recently.

It was about control and kind of really focusing in and understanding that I wasn't coming or ejaculating, but I was having those same muscular contractions and it did take a little bit of time to realize what was actually happening. But when you say you had the contractions, did it also feel really good? Did you also feel the release? Because the contractions are just like the physical response. Yeah, it felt very good, but it almost felt edging your way there. I had to be mindful that, yes, I was having those feelings of pleasure, but it wasn't having for me, wasn't having that kind of intense sense of relaxation that comes after an orgasm. You mean when you go to sleep and won't talk to me? Yes. Go away. Well, and I think that also brings us to an important piece of the discussion around what an orgasm is. And I want to just acknowledge that it can be subjective. Right. So some people might say, oh, well, Brandon, you didn't have that intense sense of relief. So does it really count as an orgasm? Listen, if you want to describe it as orgasmic, if it felt orgasmic to you, if it felt really good, then it's an orgasm. So I wouldn't worry too much about what other people are experiencing. Just something that feels really good in your body and there's some sort of release of tension. So this question about how do you know if you've had an orgasm? Is almost always followed. And this one I get so often, how do I know if my partner has had an orgasm? And the reality is that for many bodies, there are no surefire signs, right? Some people make a lot of noise. Some people are silent. Some people will rise around uncontrollably. Others actually stay really still. Some signs you could look for, aside from communicating with them, involve curled toes and heavy panting, and you might even feel the muscle spasms depending on their skin tone. You might see a sex flush. You might see that there's kind of more swelling in the genitals, like in the labia. I mean, I don't know, you might have to have, like, a ruler down there to kind of measure the swelling, but it can be very difficult to know. So we have data showing, for example, it was, I think, the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior. They found that 85% of men believed that their female partners had had an orgasm during their last sex session, but only 64% of women reported the same. So some people aren't aware or are faking it. So let me ask you, you know, if I've had an orgasm, how do you know? Because I ask you. That's the first thing. So annoying, though. What do you mean? You ask me, but I don't ask you while we're having sex. I usually ask you after. But no, I do know, because the way your body tenses up, the way that you are breathing, and I can also feel it when you've had an orgasm. Okay, you mean, like you feel it? Yeah, I can feel the muscular contractions. Okay. And also, I think I try and stay still after. I'm like, don't move, go away. I don't need you anymore. Yeah, that's what I'm waiting for. I'm waiting for those couple of lines where it's like do not move, do not move. And then tension and then release and then you get yours. But everybody is different. So I have some questions along the lines that kind of followed this one around why we fake it and well, you faked an orgasm, right? Yes, I have faked an orgasm. Not with you, but when I was younger I was on some medication and I was enjoying sex but it just wasn't finishing. And after a while I was like, I need to be done. So I faked an orgasm. Okay. I remember actually when we met you were still on the meds and there were times at the very beginning, maybe one or two times, one time in a forest by a tree where you were like I'm not going to finish. I'm sure I've told this story, but we were, like, in a forest and we were back up in my parents neighborhood. And when we walked out from the tree, this guy that I knew from grade school, we ran together. We used to race cross country and I think track and field from when we were in grade two, he ran by. I remember being like, oh, hi. Oh, hey, what's up? I was just distracted by the chipmunks, I couldn't finish. OK, so going back to faking, people fake for so many reasons. So sometimes it's really just about well intentioned ego stroking, wanting to make their partner feel good. For some people it's about the desire to kind of bring it to an end, get it over with, but just to bring it to an end and wrap it up because we've been maybe their partner feels conditioned to stop when the orgasm arrives. And it doesn't have to be that way.

For some people it's about this pressure to perform right for their self or their partner, for social norms. And then for others, I think it's because we don't really know what an orgasm feels like. And we feel like we have to emulate what we, what we think and maybe what we see in porn or what we think it should look like. And listen, everybody's going to fake it sometimes, then so be it. But I just want to kind of reiterate that it is an exercise in bad education and I mean, no, no judgment here. I don't think you should feel ashamed for faking, but there may be a message being sent that you want more of what's not working. So, you know, I think it's just an opportunity to talk about what you do, like and tune into pleasure and worry less about just orgasm. But then here I am talking about bigger, better orgasms. So I get this question about how to make orgasms bigger or better. And I think we have to talk about what does that even mean? Like, what makes an orgasm bigger or better? Because better is so subjective when it comes to everything right. Like one hamburger is not objectively better than another. One wine is not objectively better than another just because some people like it more. So when people ask about bigger, better orgasms, I think sometimes they're looking for something longer lasting or something that feels more powerful or intense or something that feels more emotionally or spiritually or intimately intense. It doesn't always have to be physical. For some people, it's about having multiple orgasms. And you can go back and listen to our previous episode on multiples if you want. For some people, it's about how they feel after orgasm. Like they'll say, after a really good orgasm, they feel again physically or emotionally or relationally or more spiritually satisfied or at ease. For some people it's about like a really relaxing orgasm. One that just gets all the tension out of the body and induces a really good night's sleep or reduces anxiety and tension. So I'll ask you babe, what makes one orgasm better than another for you? Definitely edging, controlling, like focusing in on my breathing and thinking I know that sounds maybe a little vague, but it's like I'm thinking about my breath play while I'm edging and then temperature. Playing with temperature and speed also intensifies my orgasms. Yes, slower and faster. Both tends to be more slower intensifies for me. I had an orgasm the other day kind of sneak up on me and I'll say that it wasn't the greatest because I wasn't ready for it, but I really thanks for that. I really enjoy my orgasms. And that one kind of came out of the blue and I was like, oh yeah, I'm done now it's just all about you. Why did it come out of the blue? I think I was probably more aroused than I realized. And I really enjoy tuning into the sensation. And when I tune in, I find that they're more intense when I'm aware of how my body is feeling and I'm building up to that orgasm. And that's why I was just like boom. Wow. So you've given us the how to. So now Brandon, everybody knows what Brandon needs to have a more intense orgasm. But what I'm trying to understand is what makes it more intense? Like not how do you get there? What does it mean for an orgasm to be better for you? Like, what makes it better? OK, let me ask that again for you. Where do you feel it? How does it feel? What's different about a good orgasm versus okay, what's different between an amazing orgasm and a good orgasm? An amazing orgasm is the intensity with which the orgasm feels like just physically okay. So are the contractions more intense? Is that what you mean? Yeah, the contractions are absolutely more intense. That's really what makes a better orgasm for me. Okay, I got it. Now that's really interesting, even like for me to understand for you, because what that means is if I know that you love intense contractions. There are things physically that can be done to intensify those contractions. So, for example, pressure around the base of the penis or pressure along the bulb of the penis. So if you reach right behind the balls, along the perineum, the taint, the goat, the cheese, the notches, what else do we call it? The nacho? Not your button, not your dick or what? Not your balls. If you reach right there and press, you're getting the spongy tissue of the inner bulb of the penis. So the inner penis, when you press there, it can feel just a little bit more intense with those contractions. Of course, pressure against the prostate can intensify those contractions, and then pressure around any other erogenous zone can intensify the sensations, too. So, like, that would be your right nipple, right? No, left nipple. My right. Your left? I don't know. Yep. Spot on. Thanks for that. Now the people know.

Okay, let's go to some more questions. These two have been married for years, and basically the gist of it is she wants to know how to get her boyfriend to understand that they've been living together. Okay. They want to know how to get their boyfriend to understand that her orgasm isn't going to look or sound like it does in porn, because he said that's how all of his exes looked and sounded. Okay, what do you say to that, babe? Immediately. Why does it matter if your partner is having an orgasm? Amazing. They're really enjoying it. What does it matter what it looks like or sounds like? Yeah. And I guess the reality is we go off our own experience. So if we've seen something happen over and over again in a specific way, whether it's in porn or with previous partners who may have, in fact, been inspired by porn as well, we come to expect the same. And this kind of goes back to it, I think, a topic we were discussing not so long ago, and that's about just trusting our partners. Like, if you're telling him that something feels good for you, why maybe why doesn't he believe you? Can you dive a little bit deeper into that? And why is your performance of orgasm so important to him? Like, what part of his sexuality, perhaps his virility, perhaps his sense of sexual self is tied to how you respond, what you sound like, what you look like? And I think playing this podcast does a reminder that louder isn't necessarily better. Longer isn't necessarily better. A fullbodied may not necessarily be better. It may be for some people, but not for everyone. Wetter is not necessarily better for everyone. You don't need to measure every experience. You might simply want to kind of do what feels good for you in the moment without judgment of yourself. And of course, you don't want the judgment of your partner. I was also thinking that if your orgasm is something that is arousing him, then I could understand. But it requires that communication where it's like the way you orgasm actually really arouses me. Is that kind of what you were saying? Yeah, absolutely. And it's okay to be aroused, of course, by your partner's arousal, but when your arousal becomes contingent on one specific display or manifestation of that arousal, it can be a lot of pressure. Like when we first started and you said that you asked me if I orgasm, I thought that was kind of weird because I can't remember the last time you actually asked me. So I'm curious sort of why you said that. I think that was just kind of the first thing that popped in my head. And I do remember asking you, and I also remember having a conversation sometime after that where it was like, this doesn't always help me have an orgasm. And then when we had that conversation, I realized, okay, yeah, let's move forward. I need to move forward from continuing that same process. Oh, I see, so you're talking about a long time ago when you okay, yeah, that makes sense to me. And honestly, I find it annoying. And that's not again, I know that sounds critical, but it's not about you. It's just something that if in the moment you're like, did you come here? Did you come here? Did you come yet? That wasn't my impression of you. But even if you're not saying it in that way, but I'm receiving the message in that way, I'm going to feel pressure, right? So I'm not going to feel rest and relax. I'm not going to be able to let my mind go. I'm not going to be able to let my body go because I'm sort of starting to worry about how somebody else in the room is feeling. Which is why for so many of us, this leads to the next question. That's why for so many of us, orgasm flows so much more freely when we're on our own. So this person had written in with a very specific question about, I guess I had said that masturbating is good for having better orgasms in episode 268. And they want me to explain why. And this really plays into what we're talking about because when you play with yourself, it can help to alleviate performance pressure. You're less likely to feel selfconscious about your movements, your appearance, your sounds, how long you're taking. You can kind of just sink in to the pleasure of the moment. And we know that, for example, so many people can orgasm on their own, but not with a partner. We know that so many people can orgasm more quickly, not that it's a race, but when they're on their own versus when they're with a partner. And we know that even things that are diagnosed with sexual dysfunction are lower when you're masturbating. People, for example, may experience premature ejaculation or erectile issues with a partner or an orgasmia, lack of ability to orgasm, but not when they're on their own. And that is usually an indication that it has to do with pressure or communication or dynamic. And that's not to blame the relationship, that's not to blame the partner. It's actually, to me, really good news because it means that we can fix this, right? It means that we can find solutions like what you said, even just about the idea that I can kind of explore a little bit about what I do and don't like without needing you to do it, so that when we're having sex, I can tell you I like it when you do this.

Yeah, absolutely. And of course it always goes back to asking what people are into, but also making space for the reality that not everybody can just answer a question on the spot. Like if I were to say to you, what can I do to make your orgasms bigger? That might be a hard question for you to answer. Yeah, it is. But again, just going back to this question, it's like if I played around with my gooch, my butt, my balls, whatever, then I know it's like, well, why don't you try this? And this is what really intensifies things for me. That would be much nicer communication than just the hand on the top of my head. OK, let's go to another question about bodies. So this person wants to know, is it my body? Why I can't orgasm as easily as everyone else, it seems. Well, I would say no two bodies are alike. And you can learn about your own body and you can read about anatomy and function to get started. But you know, your body is unique and what might work for 99 other people or 999 other people may not work for you. I think one important piece is to note that your sexual response is very much tied to and really controlled by your mind. How you think and what you believe in, the messages you receive about pleasure and bodies all affect our sexual response and function. And that's why I think it's important to note that messages that intersect with our identity, with age, gender, sexual orientation, body size, race, ethnicity, religion, social, all of these things, all of these messages can affect our sexual experience, including our orgasms. So shamelated messages and any systems of oppression can actually affect orgasm as much as the sexual function of your body. And I bring this up because so many people are bombarded by messages that your body isn't worthy of pleasure and this can hold so many of us back. I see this all the time, this is what I've been seeing this week, like in a number of cases. So that's why it's kind of top of mind for me. Another piece is if you've been taught that you are supposed to have sex in a specific way, like just putting a penis and a vagina, for example. That can also hinder your capacity to orgasm. If your gender identity is constantly invalidated, that can hinder orgasms or better orgasms. So yeah, I think learning about anatomy is really important and learning techniques, but also looking at all the messaging and those are kind of big picture things. So is it your body? Yeah, I mean, it's possible that a certain area of your body doesn't feel as sensitive. It doesn't mean that anything is wrong. I had a couple of women, right, in not so long ago saying that they do not like clitoral stimulation, that clitoral stimulation does not get them off. And we talked about the fact that I think in moving away from the singular approach to sex, of just kind of shoving things into the vaginal canal, we've maybe hyperfocused on the quit or the head of the quit, instead of just acknowledging that different things feel different and feel, you know, we experience pleasure differently from body to body. So I hope that's a little bit helpful. The other pieces, I think the mindset, right, like sociocultural psychological impediments can hinder orgasm. You know, when there's shame. Again, going back to the sources of negative messaging around sex can help you to embrace more realistic views of sex. In a previous episode, we talked about our sexual values. I think that can be really helpful to go back and think about that. It could have to do with selfconsciousness, right? If you're worried about how you look or sound or taste or smell, of course it takes away from your capacity to tune into pleasure. And this is why, of course, liberating yourself from the pressure to look and sound and taste and smell and smell a certain way can be a really powerful shift toward pleasure and maybe easier orgasms. Sometimes it has to do with education and expectations around what it has to feel and look like intrusive thoughts and distractions. So sometimes it's practical elements that hinder better orgasms. If you're worried about a project at work, if you're distracted by noises in the next room, maybe kids or roommates, it can be hard to stay in the moment. And this is where mindfulness practices. So tuning into sensations, focusing on breath, using visualizations, using specific techniques to deal with intrusive thoughts, these have been around for thousands of years and western researchers are now embracing and validating these practices. So all of these approaches can help, and I think help you to understand maybe why you don't orgasm as easily as everyone else. I would also ask you to think about whether you need to orgasm as easily as everyone else or whether everyone else is being honest, right.

Does it matter if somebody gets off using a specific product in 60 seconds and it takes you longer? Doesn't matter if some people can get in the mood on the drop of a dime. And for you it takes 2030. Minutes. I think that we all have our processes and I think that's perfectly fine. To go back to the initial question around whether or not it's your body. It could be, but it's probably also mind and practical elements and sociocultural elements. I mean, baby, you have different types of orgasms or I guess you have times when orgasm is easier or harder. Is that something other than not when you were on the meds? Yes. I think that mentally I get in my own head a lot and that can impact my ability or perhaps the enjoyment of sex, thinking about work, all those things you have said. But I also find that the mindfulness practice of stretching and something as simple as that before we have sex really helps me tune in. I have to watch you do lunges before we get started, if you want to call it, whatever, my stretching, I don't have to do it in front of you. He's in child's pose. I'm like, oh, God. What's happening? This is me stretching. No, but taking that time just to kind of get into the headspace that I might need that day and it changes from day to day, but that's what I find impacts me the most. Yeah, it's a lot about what's going on in your head. If you do think it's an issue with your body, I would also just check in with your healthcare provider if you think there's something going on, if something has changed, if you're noticing that there's been a big shift more recently or something remarkable, then I just always go ahead and check in. And I should just note because I've mentioned a number of approaches here, if you do go to happier couples.com, we've got the mindful sex course there which, as I said, I think can be really impactful. And then we've got the technique courses on mind blowing oral if you want to learn more about your anatomy or your partner's anatomy and different ways to catch yourself and seek pleasure. And I might add that you're rather funny in those videos. You're cutting a lot of jokes and more importantly, you can save 25% with code podcasts. So do that codepodcasthapiercoups.com. Okay, time for one more. But it's a quick one because I think the answer is I mean, of course we could tease it out, but what if my girlfriend just feels frustrated by orgasms altogether? That's a short one. They didn't give me any context there. So I would say just don't feel pressure to always have an orgasm or have her have an orgasm. Enjoy the exploration, the process of pleasure as opposed to focusing on the outcome. And I actually think that this is really a valuable approach regardless of whether you have orgasms really easily because someone breathes on you or if you have trouble having orgasms. Let's just tune into the pleasure, have fun with it and not let that be an add on. We were actually talking about this in a totally non sex related meeting this morning. We were talking about guiding folks to figure out what their strengths are in business and specifically for people who are creating content. Are they great at videos? Are they great at audio? Are they great at live speeches? Are they great at video courses? Are they great at writing books? Are they better at TikToks? And the place that I always like to start whenever I'm supporting people is around. What brings you the most joy? Like, what is the most fun for you? Because if something is fun for you, you're going to get it done. You're not going to sit there and find reasons to procrastinate or to avoid. I know for me, I just love live workshops. Like, I love being on stage. I love working with groups. I will do it every single day if people will have me. And I cannot even imagine quitting. Like, at any point as I move into retirement, I'm going to want to keep doing that because I love it so much. I mean, maybe things will change, but if I feel this way about it, it is never going to feel like work because I have so much fun doing it. So it's actually more about me than about them. I'm having fun. And so that's how I figured out what my real passion is. And I think that we always add that as an add on. Oh, have fun. If we're doing coaching, around, speaking, we'll talk about all these different strategies and then at the end we say, and have fun. And we do the same thing with sex. But like, here are all these different strategies. Oh, and also enjoy yourself. Remember, sex is supposed to be fun. And I think we need to flip that whole process, whether it be in business or in the bedroom, flip it on its head and start with the fun. Like, what is the best part of this? And then if orgasm comes, cool. If success and money come, cool. Whether it's business or bedroom. So if she feels frustrated by orgasms, don't even worry about them. Just worry about all the other pleasurable components of sex, whether they're emotional or physical or relational or spiritual or practical or some other thing that I'm missing. Tune into the pleasure. It's all about pleasure. And I see a whole slew.

The next set of questions are on the types of orgasms. How to have it looks like nine different types of orgasms I've received questions on. So next week we are talking about nine, a minimum of nine. I didn't count exactly types of orgasms and how to have them from clitoral to prostate to Gspot to blended to multiple. And everything on the left, right, in between, outside, inside, all that jazz. So make sure you come back next week. And in the meantime, just a reminder, our partners [email protected] are having a sale for the Thanksgiving weekend for Black Friday Cyber Monday. But if it is no longer that date, you can still use code Doctor Jess to save 15% off all regular price products with discrete shipping in just two to four days with purchases over $50. So head on overloveshopptoys.com. Drjess, thank you so much for joining. Have a great one wherever you're at. And we'll be back next week with a whole new episode on at least nine different types of organs. You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, improve your sex life. Improve your life.