Sex Q&A Quickie: How long should sex last & more!

Every day, I receive sex and relationship questions on every platform you can think of. Questions and answers range from the simple (Am I gay if I like anal sex? Of course not.) to 10-paragraph essays outlining detailed relationship issues that span decades and originated before I was born.

From teens to seniors, sex gets people talking and leaves us feeling intensely curious. It can be difficult to manage the volume of questions I receive and even more challenging to answer complex issues in shorthand. I’m rarely able to give a question the time and thoughtfulness it deserves, but since I started the Sex With Dr. Jess Podcast a few years ago, I’ve had the chance to answer hundreds of questions.

The following are questions from podcast listeners from Toronto and beyond.

What is a good position to have an orgasm for a woman?

Everyone is different, but you might want to try lying on your stomach with your hand underneath your pelvic bone so that you have something to grind against. You might also consider adjusting your body so that you can rub your clitoris against your partner’s pelvic bone and squeeze your legs together.

Since you’re more likely to reach orgasm from clitoral stimulation than penetration, don’t be afraid to reach down and give yourself a hand regardless of which position you choose. And remember that the buildup, your mindset, your comfort level, and your emotional state all play a role in whether or not you have an orgasm.

Is it okay to be a virgin at 26?

It’s fine to abstain from sex at any age and some people opt to abstain from sex for their entire lifetime. This doesn’t mean that their life is less rich or fulfilling. Some people want lots of sex and some people don’t want any at all and neither is a universal indication that something is awry.

Virginity, of course, is a complex and imperfect concept (and a socially constructed norm), but the research suggests that one in eight consider themselves virgins at age 26. There is no rush and only you’re the ultimate expert in your own needs and desires, so don’t worry about averages and simply do what’s right for you.

How long should sex last?

The duration of sex depends on how you define sex itself. For some people, sex begins at penetration, whereas others define sex more broadly. If you’re talking about penis-in-vagina sex (which is a narrow definition), multiple studies suggest that it only lasts a few minutes.

Some research suggests that it lasts about seven minutes on average, and other research suggests that approximately half of all intercourse experiences last two minutes. I speak to people all around the world, and what I’m hearing (anecdotally) is that intercourse lasts three to four minutes and most of these people report being satisfied.

What’s a good resource for talking to my nine-year-old about sex?

Toronto-based sex educator Nadine Thornhill has a YouTube channel with straightforward sex education for parents and kids. She answers questions about a broad range of sex-related topics and she also co-hosts Sex Ed School, a web series for kids to get real info from experts.

I also recommend you follow SexPositiveFamilies.com. They’re a wealth of knowledge with articles, videos, webinars, and free guides, and even their Instagram feed is packed with practical strategies and advice.

This piece was previously published by PostCity.