Stripping, Strap-Ons, Porn & Digital Intimacy

Happier Couples

Stripping, Strap-Ons, Porn & Digital Intimacy

45:09

 

Andre Shakti joins Jess and Brandon to share their journey and story as a stripper, sex worker, educator and activist. They discuss:

• What Andre loves about stripping and what drew her into the strip club in the first place
• How to cultivate intimacy (in person and online)
• Strap-on strategies for beginners
• SANCTUARY, the virtual strip club
• How strippers connect with their clients on a more personal level
• How COVID and digital dates have changed connection for the better
• Creating community for sex workers
• Andre’s experience in the porn industry and prop 60
• STI testing in the porn industry and what we can learn from
• The Bella Thorne OnlyFan debacle

Follow Andre on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook. Also check out Andre's weekly advice column on non-monogamy, "I Am Poly(amorous) & So Can You!".

Andre's image was shot by Tristan Crane. 

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Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Stripping, Strap-Ons, Porn & Digital Intimacy

00:00:05 - 00:05:00

You're listening to the sacs with Dr Jess, podcast sacks and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jeff. PODCASTS I'm your co host. Brandon we're here with my lovely other half. Dr Jess I'm failing lovely. You're looking lovely. Just throwing the compliments at you this morning. Yeah. Well, IT'S A. It's a weird time of the year because for most entrepreneurs and students and parents this feels like a new. Year. Yeah I usually struggle leading up to the day after Labor Day because it reminds me of going back to school which was a long time ago. and all of these sorts of feels right now. Yeah and for folks who go back to school at a different time of year in in. Toronto we've always gone back to school the day after Labor Day it's always been the way it is, and of course, this year is different because some kids aren't going back to school. Some are doing a blended hybrid type learning some have been postponed until next week because I guess the government's in the school boards couldn't agree on what would be safe for staff and students, and I would say about fifty fifty percent I'd say fifty fifty in terms of our friends. in terms of sending their kids back to school or keeping their kids at home. Yet and I mean, maybe people are gonNA. Think I'm a lot younger than I am now that I said that I'm nostalgic about going to school no no, one thinks here. Yeah. Thanks. Before we dive in today, I want to say a big. Thank you to Provo Care, which is a natural way to restore the healthy bacteria and normal Ph level required for a balanced vaginal ecosystem, and so it perfectly has been clinically proven to treat and prevent recurring yeast and bacterial infections, and you can check them out online provo care dot. Ca and you can I believe you can find them on Amazon as well. Now today, we're talking a whole lot of things. You're talking sex work online stripping, which to me feels very intimidating but I'm interested to learn more the porn and Industry Sti testing maybe some strap on sex. How about that sounds like a whole lot of interesting stuff and yes online stripping sounds like something that I would not be very good at would you strip for me? I would but I'm super conscious. I feel I feel ridiculous listen I can dance to the base not the trouble, but he just wants to tell us one. But it still feels awkward to me to perform like that the truth would you be more comfortable stripping for me or stripping for Strangers Probably for you because in addition to the discomfort with not knowing how to stripper perform, there would also be the judgment factor of somebody who doesn't know. In addition to like how am I dancing homer perform you would be like, what are they think of how I look at least with you? I know that you already know how I look so. Hopefully. I've got that check in advance on the opposite I asked that question because I would definitely be more comfortable stripping for strangers than you or people. Because I think with you I would just feel so silly because we will have we would have maybe just moved from a conversation about business or taxes or something else. So I I feel as though maybe because tripping appeals to me, it would offer a sense of escape from the reality but I think we need some expert help on this. Definitely joining us today is sex worker educator and activist Andre shock t thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for having me. Happy to chat with. You know you do so many different things and in light of the situation you are now doing virtual stripping and you have you have a saint, a club called sanctuary the club is that correct? Yes. That's correct. And so can you tell us about that? What is virtual stripping I mean I imagine it's more than just a Webcam and taking off your clothes I'm sure it's more curated and more experiential than that. The one that I run, we certainly try. So this Strip club I have a background in a lot of different varied niches of the sex industry, and during my history I definitely dabbled in Webcam dappled worked important for a while and I've been a stripper for the past twelve years of my life. It is like the bread and butter of my sex work and when March hit sorted Kovin and all of our brick and mortar clubs started closing and also the government decided to discriminate against experts in terms of leaving them out of receiving you know small business Loans, and so a lot of sex workers were really really hurting.

00:05:00 - 00:10:07

You know not only did our clubs close and we were being discriminate against government financially. But also you know people weren't exactly jumping up and down to try and see sex workers with all the fear and the you know the apprehension. Contracting Cova. So all of a sudden most sex workers lost pretty much all of their income and you know honestly in terms of privilege, the workers that prior to cove, it had the largest Internet followings definitely were able to rebound the fastest because they were able to make the transition from in-person work to digital work fairly easily already having the pre existing as. That, right. So fortunately, I had a significant enough fan basis for my porn and digital work in the past that I was like, okay. Hold on obviously need to completely route You know my business plan moving forward and I need to discover and or create a new viable source of income for myself in it's GonNa have to digitally and then I thought well. I'm not the only person hurting here have a large community of sex workers in my life and I'm like I'm not the only person hurting here in. The way that privilege obviously works is that the people who are marginalized hurting the most the folks that are black and Brown and Trans and Queer and disabled. So I was like well screw it. I. Don't WanNa just do the Andrea show. You know once or twice a week for people just happened to be into me and my work I want to try and curate something that helps my community because I'm also queer and You know I have a large community in that. Subset Genre as well and so I started sanctuary virtual strip club and we have been going live since the beginning of March we go live. Thursday and Saturdays. And then we also just added a new sanctuary Nawar show, which is a leader night show twice a month on Fridays featuring entirely black indigenous POC cast, and all the proceeds go towards a different nonprofit every month and. You know there are a few other virtual shows online. We're not trying to compete with anybody we want everybody to get their bag, right? But everybody kind of has their own style and I think it's very easy to create a situation where you know you load up online cast and you know you start recording and it's like a three minute performance from one person then it's like okay great. That's done. Let's go on to a three minutes performance someone else and then a three minute performance from someone else and there's definitely something to be said for that but that feels always feel more like a More like a burlesque or drag show or cabaret show and again less like that authentic strip club experience. So we do something a little different. We worked off of engagement and we definitely have kind of a a venue type show combined with a web becoming experience where each week you get a rotating cast of dancers any dancer gets a fifteen minutes set per hour to basically do whatever they want. They talk to the audience they welcome them in they hustle different services for tips on. We do like pov lap dances you can buy shots, you can request your favorite music, that kind of thing, and they dance and. What's a Pov? Was that mean? So that's point of you. So you've ever watched pornography and you ask, I, have had. Of the broader public. But thank you for confirming so. Pornography hypothetically. And, the porn that you're watching is an exclusive shot of the other individual as though they're doing things to you. That is a point of view. Style of filming. So we see that a lot in porn. Lots of Pov BLOWJOB SCENES PEO threesome scenes and so will be lap dances is just like that. It's basically we get all up in close in personal in the camera and make you feel like you are receiving a lap dance added club just with no risk of. Transferring a Kobe so. I love it. You know it's definitely for the kind of dancer who loves stripping who loves the people element of stripping in the conversation and the connection because that's what people really want right now, and that's really all that people have ever wanted from sex work right? Like the sex is just the icing on top of the cake excuse to go consume that kind of content to go patronize that kind of person I mean especially now with the pandemic people are looking for connection more than ever.

00:10:08 - 00:15:08

And I have a question about that connection online because we've been hearing a lot about zoom exhaustion and how intimate actually is to be meeting online and how for many of us it feels more emotionally draining because of that increased level of intimacy. So I'm sure people would assume that, oh, it's not as intimate because there's no physical touch you know you're not sitting on their lap, you're not grinding along alongside of them but. I'm curious if if you have found or if any of the other dancers have found that. That they feel more of an intimate connection online and and how do you cultivate that intimacy from afar? Absolutely it's really a question. So. I. Think it has a lot to do with you know getting personal with people. You know at this point would sanctuary we have a release solid group of loyal attendees who come in every week or every other week and over the past six months we've gotten to know them really well, you know we're looking in on their video screens and we're like, oh, is that a new couch? My. You just got a puppy that so great. Why don't you bring it over to the camera and show us and so it's like not only. The attendees in the audience members stepping into a little part of our personal life. You know because all of us are recording from our own private homes and studios, you know. So we're kind of immediately leading barrier down that. We wouldn't otherwise a stereotypical strip club. Scene, as you don't usually show people pictures of the interior of your house you know when you're trying to hustle a dance, you don't really. have. Your partner like running through the backgrounds and be like talking about how helpful they are like setting your salad and everything. You don't get any personal details about our relationships and whatnot. While again, we're trying to hustle money at the club. So not only do they get kind of an insider look at our home life in our more intimate life, but we get the same of them, and so we know you know when our favorite customers birthdays are coming up. We hear about when we ask our customers how their day was. You know they'll be honest with us. They'll be like you know I had A. Rough Day I. You know I, I can't figure out this virtual interface for work or I'm a teacher and I have to go back to work you know and I'm really scared about it and I think that you know this extended reach into people's personal lives as well as the fact that again, we're talking about a period of time where our population as a whole in our country has potentially never been more vulnerable together in a united way like this that it really does. Create the perfect breeding ground for a very unique kind of intimacy on. So again, I think it really it's. Eight requires kind of a relaxing of your own boundaries especially doing this kind of sex work. You were someone who previously maybe put a lot of work into the separation between who you are outside of work and who you are inside the confines of your work. And then it also requires a genuine interest and care for other people and how they're doing and their lives outside of how much money are they giving you. You know when they tell you this. So I think that you know again the audience and the dancers that we've cultivated that we've brought in have really done a wonderful job of of creating that. I love that any love that you're talking about the intimacy and the connection and getting to know one another because I do think people oftentimes just assume that sex work is an exchange of money sex money sex, but it is so much more in terms of the way you cultivate these relationships and when you talk about, you know the genuine experience, you also mentioned that you love stripping and I would love for you for you to kind of just share that love with us explain to us what you love about this experience. While what I really love about the experience of stripping I mean it's definitely multi-tiered I walked into my first Strip club at age eighteen after. Just a few weeks in Baltimore City like accepting my Undergrad first semester and. You know there are a lot of things I was coming out as queer at the time around age eighteen nineteen I was discovering all kinds of feelings. And? Inclinations during that time and so I'm not GonNa lie and say that being around a bunch of beautiful women's I'd. Tracks me into this industry in any way and also I grew up dancing obviously, not exotic dancing but I grew up on doing hip hop and modern and Latin ballroom, and so I've always had a really good sense of rhythm.

00:15:09 - 00:20:12

I've always been a really good dancer and then when I was younger on my mother was very athletic. She coached just about every sport and force my sister and I into a and was on the Olympic swimming are the one of the Olympic swimming teams before she had an accident and turned into a triathlete and just was going going going with fitness and I really took to it. I've always been a very physically mobile person who enjoys moving their body and breaking a sweat and I always thought when I was younger even when I didn't really know what I wanted to do yet. I was like how cool would it be to get paid to exercise? Allenby's so neat because I love exercising just takes out so much time in my day. How cool would it be to have an extra financial motivation right? Not really even thinking about sex work at the time and so when I became again, old enough and The opportunity presented itself. I was like great. I get to get paid to exercise be around beautiful women. Me a bunch of people on strike up conversations So extended probably never would have outside of the bubble of the social network that I already capped and I love music, and I love to dance and I love to move my body to music. So this sounds like a wonderful idea and. Twelve years later it still is I always say that I am GonNa keep stripping until either my body finally gives out and or until people don't WanNa throw money at me anymore. I I love that. Now you talk about sex work and the vulnerability that so many sex workers have been facing over. The recent months, and of course, already vulnerable population because of our erotic phobia and all the other nonsense that prioritizes some jobs over others. So I have to ask you about Bella Thorne. and. Only fans. Yes. So maybe we can give people a bit of background I don't know if I'll do it justice you can add to it but so Bella Thorne is a an actress model singer director according to Wikipedia and. Certainly, not a sex worker, but she decided to start an only fought fans account. She drew in a ton of money more than anybody ever has before, and if it led to only fans changing their policies to not favor the folks who already work on only fans. So maybe you can do a better job explaining that mean, we can even cut my part out. Sure. So I actually am one of the rare sex workers I think at this time who does not have an only fans I am actually in the process of starting one particularly specifically for non explicit sex education because I haven't really seen anybody use that platform for that yet but eight. I am also I'm not a big celebrity person. So I do know of the Bella Thorne. Incidents and I guess what I will say about it is that. All these post incident interviews where obviously she was getting a ton of flack from sex workers She claimed that she claimed that she was on the platform to give it more quote mainstream visibility on justifying it by saying no, I wasn't trying to ruin sex workers income. I was actually trying to further legitimize sex work by being on there and showing a mainstream person in a mainstream face on doing this kind of work to more normalize it to the general population, and that sounds all well and good. Until you realize that Bella Thorne never had an explicit only fans. She never actually was fully nude or showed any explicit content she made. Even know what the what the number was. It's up to two million dollars. Offers a yeah is absurd and of course, she is the epitome of physical try this woman intimately, but she is white she's thin she stereotypically attractive SIS gender on heterosexual as far as I know in that, she hasn't made any public statements you know fouling her queasiness. And all ready was rich. You know from her work that she was doing previously as a celebrity and so number one inserting yourself as privileged individual into the sex industry that already prioritizes people of that same kind of privileged people who are stereotypically attractive. Young female etc that isn't radical or revolutionary in any way. Seems to think that it was she seems to think that her presence being there was radical was revolutionary had the potential to be the sex worker commuter knee and again, her body type is the kind that makes the most money on those sites and already.

00:20:12 - 00:25:06

Takes. Money away from more marginalized individuals who are. Using that site for work at the same time. So yeah adding another super looking woman to the mix was not in any way going to be received as something that. Was Radical. And then on on top of that, it ends up costing the sex workers who are on this platform money because they change their policies. 'cause she made so much money to limit the money that performers can make on that platform. So End She made two million bucks in counting and the folks who are already on this pot from who depend on this platform who this is the work that they do. This isn't something some throwaway like I'm not working I'm not filming maybe I'll go take my clothes off union. We see those sex worker nominative disparaging jokes all the time I hate when I see people say that like, Oh, I should've I may I may just have to be a stripper I'm like you think you'd be good at stripping because I can tell you I know I would not be good at stripping that looks like hard work. Like that is a that is a specifics skill I'm not saying you can't learn of course, people can learn but this joke that like oh I might as well, just be a stripper like it's the super simple thing to do where you make a ton of money and live this easy life and by six houses Miami I mean I'm sure you can explain a better than I can that that's certainly not the case Oh absolutely and I think something that really bothered a lot of sex workers was when the pandemic hit you know. Right. Around the beginning of March or so and all of a sudden on social media, we all started to see the people in our networks who were sex workers, who in the past we know had denounced sex work or or called her depressive or. You know we're involved in like religious right-wing anti-trafficking groups that also you know are of the opinion that there can be no consensual sex work. We saw all these people all of a sudden change, their tunes, you people who experienced job loss and and income restrictions due to the pandemic outside of the sex industry. All of a sudden they're like I'm making only fans I'm on only fans. Now Look at me I love sex work. I love being expert. Gersh. Let's do this and that was really hard for a lot of us I mean again. I was not previously on only fans but I know dozens and dozens of workers who who work hard. I mean wake up at nine am shoe content day professionally edit that content in expensive equipment and sets to really sell the professionalism of that content that like you said, this was their entire living and not only did the market gets flooded with over saturation at the beginning of the pandemic, but it was just. It was almost insulting to just watch these people who again and you know previously were the kind of folks that I call I call the middle aged mom polars, which are the ones that go to poke class of me as they're leaving their alike I mean that was fun but like I never do that for a living. You know and. And all of a sudden turn into into O. Like sex workers, my community in and I'm not GonNa lie I am not a perfect and virtue has all the time. I have truly enjoyed seeing a lot of them fail. You come back to their profile on month or two months later, and it's like all I really need how how do I saw my content? This is so much harder than I thought. How do I market myself? How do I brand myself like how are all these people making money and it's like well, we did a lot of intentional. And research before we got into this and this isn't like you said just some kind of hobby or or passion project. This is this is a labor industry and discrimination against sex work in our culture really does two things it convinces people that either we are victims are criminals, and it also seeks in an industry that is predominantly legal. It seems to de Legitimize our industry as illegitimate labor industry in the way that only the sex industry has been demonized and that works against people taking what we do seriously, that works against people thinking that. They need specific skill sets to enter this industry just like you need specific skill sets to enter any labor industry right that are relevant to that industry, and so you know people are finding it out.

00:25:07 - 00:30:08

I always tell folks when they start out with sex work I'm like. Give it a year. gave it a year and after a year, you will know whether or not. This is something that you WanNa do you know that you're good at and? I think also a lot of folks see sex work as a last resort when it comes to employment and so everyone's like you know oh well, I, don't know what I'd do if I lost my job I guess I'd have to get out there on the corner, right? And it's like it's not it's not a last resort. It's something you know for a lot of people it. It is something that they are doing like for example, when you're talking about survival work, it isn't in there doing as a means to an end right they didn't have the privilege to sit back and shoes s from a litany of options usually due to marginalization but for a lot of people it, it was a career decision and when you treat sexpert a last resort, of course, if you try it and you then sale. What are you going to about yourself? If you thought, this is the law of course, I'd always be able to fall back on this and then you try it and then you're not succeeding at it and I think that really message with some people who find themselves you know psychologically and emotionally who find themselves not position now. I. Never thought about it that way in it you know it's a reminder that sex work is work and Labor Day just passed and You know I saw all of the post going around Instagram facebook and I think we all need that reminder. Now, I, want to switch gears a little because you. You've also worked in the porn industry and you've talked a little bit about what we can learn from the porn. Sorry. In terms of STI testing. And I don't know exactly how it works but I'm interested in hearing from you on how how it's regulated in the industry as yet another reminder and layer that this is this is work. This is professionalism. This requires all these different layers of investment to make it work. So yeah, I'd love to hear your story of either how you got into porn or even what it's like to work in porn and what what the regulations are for workers. Absolutely. So in the porn industry, you know kind of piggybacking off of this like discrimination against sex workers and what we are taught to believe about sex workers you know as we're socialized in our country US, are taught again, that were victims are criminals and that you know there are certain traits that come with a sex worker like they're dirty their disease ridden because of all of the sex that they have on with so many different people they're dangerous sexual partners They're disgusting they're filthy like that kind of that that that feeling of grind. And with that comes in an assumption that. With our sex work that a all of us at sex workers are performing direct full-contact, explicit sexual services which were not. There people peddling panties out there people doing phone sex and people doing all kinds of sexpert that limit their actual. Engagement, whether folks bodies but we also assume that they must not being safe about it and you know in fact, in the porn distri even had legislation thrown against us on to try and mandate condom use in porn. I mean I'm sure you're familiar with proposition sixty that yeah to get past back in two thousand, sixteen with a twenty five election and basically what that was was this singular individual. Mike is Mike Weinberg. I haven't even thought about it in a while, but he runs the AIDS Health Foundation and. Came out and said, you know kind of apropos of nothing was like you know these poor porn performers porn performers. We see that they have like syphilis in the community every two or three years syphilis outbreak in every three or four years. There's an HIV positive tests in the sex industry in the porn industry and we really need to protect these poor workers. So we need to mandate condom use in porn and basically implement Osha like public kitchen standards on porn sets and while this. On its face value. If you knew nothing about the sex industry, this seems like an altruistic move right this like okay like he's not saying to do away with sex work he saying, let's protect them and keep them safe. So in the very progressive bubble that is like both you know parts of northern southern California. An average person was like Kuan Down with sex workers. Let's do. But what actually was was a thinly veiled attempt to move the porn industry out of the State of California.

00:30:09 - 00:35:16

Is. What it would do is it would actually implement extremely heavy fines. It would make all foreign companies financially responsible for all of their performance tests which you know honestly I don't think is a bad thing at all but a lot of these companies are small and can't financially afford to do that, and it would also implement these crazy fines where if they were found in violation of these extremely stringent and frankly often ridiculous regulations, they would be fine. So heavily that they would go out of business and they would have to move out of the state of California in order to sustain operations, and even though we one proposition sixty and it was not passed. That started kind of the transfer of porn, the porn industry from California where it was predominantly centered as well as southern Florida into Las Vegas and the Vegas area because. It was more liberal and believe it or not, and also the cost of operations were lower and so now really. I'm just going to interject and say for to know that I that I hosted the show swing on playboy. TV. People always ask where we shot and for the first few seasons we shot in the Hollywood hills and post it was two, thousand, sixteen we around that time, we actually moved to Vegas for the last two seasons of shooting. For this reason and then our says said, yeah, the cost of shooting was lower. So I'm sorry to interrupt. But he I just for for folks who are fans of playboy TV's swing. That's why you'll see that shift from the Hollywood hills to tiny tiny itty bitty Las Vegas. Hills. My goodness that's so interesting I'm sorry that impacted you at that time of probably a huge inconvenience for you all. But yes. So you know moral the story is, is that all of these great endeavors and precautions have been thrown at the community by people who are outside of it who don't take the time to actually consult with the people who are doing this work who were on the ground directing and producing and performing. To ask you know what does the sex district what just the porn industry really need? How can we help advocate for you? It's a lot of a sumptiousness about what needs advocating what needs changing from the outside and what most people don't know about the sex industry is that or the porn industry specifically is that for the past. On my goodness I WANNA say fifteen years it's been at least ten. For the past will say tended to seniors do not do not quote me on this. The Porn Street has actually had its own internal regulatory testing system called talent testing and talent testing basically means that you in order to remain active in the porn industry as a performer who's available to be booked for shoots you have to. Upload every fourteen days a a neutral or non reactive set of se, tests, and so there are pre verified locations, fo-. Sylvia tested. So you get Patricia they say, okay, you're gonNA shoot you know a week from your not week and a half from now. So you mmediately get a registration with a local testing facility it's preapproved you go you have to show your identification to verify that it's you and they do a full st pal on you. and. That s CD pedal comes back much faster than your average doctor gets yours back to you comes back in the next twenty four to forty eight hours and if you flag as reactive on anything on your test. Immediately all of data uploaded to a virtual database that all directors and producers have access to. So now when they go into their individual performance profiles, to make sure everybody is good to shoot. If you flagged for CD, they will pull that shoot immediately they will find a replacement who currently has a safe test that's active in the system, and so because of this, this is why we only ever hear of people in the porn industry in industry that consists of you know hundreds of thousands of people. Here in the United States alone. We only hear about an outbreak of you know Oh, through people tested positive for syphilis or. Tested positive for HIV every like two to four years where if you take the statistics from the general population outside of people who were getting tested every fourteen days who are so you know hyper aware of their own physical health and wellbeing who are oftentimes way more educated about risk assessment in harm reduction when it comes to STD's than the average layperson, if you compare those statistics to how often the average American contracts and s td or with the average American Utilize in their everyday lives in terms of sexual safety precautions and practices.

00:35:17 - 00:40:02

It's not even worth comparing to right. So I always tell people especially when they're like Oh, Andre I want to hire a private professional. I WanNa hire an escrow hire a dominatrix for the first time, but I'm concerned about sexual safety. I'm like what you have to understand is as experts, we are so motivated to keep ourselves safe because if we don't not only could that bleed back in our personal life, affect those that we love, but it also means we can't work. And we're very motivated to make sure that our bodies are always in. Condition enabled to work. So you were almost every time going to encounter in individual who is so concerned with sexual health and safety and you know I mean that makes us superheroes in my opinion. I, love it I love it hard-working superheroes. Now before I, let you go because we ran at a time I wonder if I can just ask you a few kind of quick around questions on another area of your expertise because you're also an educator so that you you do sex work your Dominatrix, you a writer, you're an activist you have your own column on its weekly Non Monogamy Advice Call Him at I im polly dot net called Im poly-amorous and so can you And your strap on sex experts so I have to let you go. So I'm wondering if I can get some quick ones from you first and foremost. What do people get wrong about strap on sex. First and foremost. The thing that people get wrong about strap on sex is that it's not for them. I think when we when we look up strap on sacks by look up, of course, I mean our favor topic for today pornography or only see depictions of strap on Saxena. Typically, we see them into different contexts either like hardcore like lesbian pornography or in a very like highly protocol and Fetish is the manner of a Dominatrix Sinoe taking a male client typically you down to size right and. A lot of people who've been socialized male in our country you know they grew up with a very. Frankly homophobic way of looking at their own bodies and what on their bodies what within them is deserving pleasure and you know when we talk about strap on sex strap on is kind of the umbrella but pegging is a specific kind of strap on sex that is. Exhibited between. Two or multiple individuals who identify as heterosexual her in a heterosexual. Relationship or coupling, and so I think a lot of times you know people in the. Community we see strap on sexist being very accessible people who do professional domination work see strap on sex as being very accessible because it's something that's in demand for their particular dynamic. But you know the average person particularly, the average you know says gender woman or the average gender man oftentimes doesn't see that as being sensible because either for the women they were socialized to be submissive in their lives you know as a woman from a gender perspective they were. socialized you're always going to be the submissive receiving party when it comes to sex and for men there oftentimes sold. Hey, listen that that. But that is an exit only that is a that is something that has made for functionality and you do not deserve to pleasure and if you do desire that that makes you alternative that makes you clear and not in the current reclaimed definition of that word but in the slurred definition of that word and that. Immediately takes into question your masculinity and even here in two thousand, twenty one of the worst things that you can do still to this day socially is to call a masculine or mad, and if I'd persons masculinity into question and so I just wish and through my education teaching I, WANNA, make sure everybody knows that regardless of what your gender or your sexual orientation is or your age or your relationship dynamic that strap on sex is absolutely can be accessible to you. and I wonder if when people think of strap on sex they. Think of strapping something Phallic to their groin when they're all these other PL- sometimes I think about just the practicality. Takes out of the bedroom do it in the shower like the small changes and I'm thinking with strap on sex if we don't make it about the groin. Would more people be more comfortable.

00:40:02 - 00:45:03

You can wear a strap on on your by on other parts of your body, and I wonder if that's is, could that be like a positive gateway to strap on sex where it's something smaller in a place that doesn't feel as Subversive to whatever they've. been prescribed, in terms of gender. Identity. Oh. Yeah. Absolutely. I mean people can definitely also experiment you know especially, if we're talking about more hetero normative or heterosexual couple on people can definitely experiment with fingers I I actually always tell folks regardless of what kind of sex they're having. If they're gonNA incorporate sex toys that you should explore your and your partner's body with your own fingertips with your own mouth before you go inserting toys into it that way. You can feel you know what does the inside of my partner's body feel like where all the curves were all the angles you know where the sensitive and that's also of course, going to better inform when you decide to buy toys for that partner for yourself know what kinds of toys you look at but you know explore that explore that whole I you know explore those holes I with your fingers with your mouth. Used toys that you hold in your hand. You know, maybe use a Dildo or above flood, but you know be penetrating your partner with the toy in your hand i. you know and see see how that feels just a US a toy on your partner. While you're holding it in something that isn't sexualize. As again, being attached to your groin, and then when it comes to strapping things on your body, like you said, why stop at the Groin, there are Thi- harnesses where you can put a toy on your thigh. There are shoe harnesses there are Farren Harnesses goodness tell me about it. I mean if I and if I can get another pair of shoes out of it, I'm all about it. Right especially if you're indicate and fetish. And or you have a partner who really enjoys maybe you have like a cuckolding thing with your partner or you're playing with. Feelings of chastity where your you know your restricting them from getting off but they have to provide pleasure to you. I mean just lay your partner down strap as many toys on them. As possible get a mouth gag the get a strap on Dildo mouth gag where your partners gag, and there's a toy extending from their mouth and just eff yourself oliver their whole body and leave their genitals completely alone. Right like that is as dominatrix like. My brain starts thinking of all the creatively sadistic things that you can do with multiple harnesses but I mean harnesses can be great for multiple partners play. You can put to harnesses on and have one person on each thigh. You know it's really a king go way above and beyond just gonNA strap this toy to my groin and then give you pleasure as a result of it. And love it, and there's a brand that I love. I'm not sure if you've heard of them, they might be Canadian 'cause we're Canadian up here Unicorn collaborators. They make some really beautiful harnesses for various parts of the body and many of them can be worn. As jewelry I think I think I remember seeing one that you you kind of wore it as a either a choker or there was maybe when that went around your wrist but it also doubled as as a harness for Dildo and they were called Unicorn collaborators. So just shout them out. At Sea so people can take a look and and I'm glad we're talking about this I wish we had more time for strap on sex because I, do think there are so many myths surround size about what you must do and it. It does oftentimes come back to this Hetero normative notion of what sex might look like I. Know that most people listening out there are way beyond that but I think it's always always. A great reminder I've taken a ton of your time learned so much really thankful. So really encourage people to follow along with you. They can follow you You're a strip club at sanctuary, the club dot com, you have your weekly call him that I m polly dot net, and we're going to be sure to link your social handles as well in the show notes of. Thank you so much for chatting with us today. Gosh. My pleasure, and you now have me on this Unicorn collaborators website ready to. This issue harness. So absolutely loved that I'm still learning about things after being in the industry this long this has been so wonderful. Thank you just. Thank you. Well I learned a lot today. You're just you're sitting here, listening and absorbing sometimes I need to keep my mouth shut and just listen to the experts. I love it while thanks for being here. Thank you to you for listening big show once again to Provo care folks wherever you're at. Hope you have a great one. You're listening to the sex with Dr Jess podcast, improve your sex life, improve your life.