Dealing with Trauma, Learning to Love Your Body & Flirtation Techniques

Happier Couples

Dealing with Trauma, Learning to Love Your Body & Flirtation Techniques

36:42

 

This week, Jess teams up with April Lampert and Amy Baldwin from the Shameless Sex Podcast to tackle listener questions including:

1. How can I deal with sensitive genitals (e.g. labia)?
2. How can I make sex less threatening after sexual assault? How do I talk to a new partner about past trauma?
3. What should I do about labia hypertrophy and how do I get more comfortable with my body?
4. How do I get over body shame related to things my ex said to berate my body?
5. I hear so much about eye contact as a tool of flirtation and connection. How else can I flirt without using my eyes since I’m almost blind?
6. How do Canadians pronounce the word about? ;)

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Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Dealing with Trauma, Learning to Love Your Body & Flirtation Techniques

00:00:05 - 00:05:07

You're listening to the sacs with Dr, Jess, podcast, sacks and relationship advice. You can use tonight. Hey hope you're having a great day. A great wherever you're at, I'm without my partner in Crime Brandon today he had to run off, but we're doing something just a little bit different. Because the other day I sat down well, I called in because it's cova times and chatted with some new friends Amy Baldwin and April lampert over at the shameless sex podcast. Now you may be familiar with them if you're not. You're about to become acquainted because we are taking your sex and relationship questions and collaborating to answer some of these out. Amy is sex and relationship coach. April educates people about sexual pleasure, health and wellness, and it's always interesting. To hear other people's perspectives and collaborate, and of course, three minds are much much better than one, and so. That's what we're going to be sharing with you today now before we pull up that that interview that conversation I wanNA show at checked. If you're looking for any tests in the health field that you can do at home whether it's fertility tests, thyroid tests, Cortisol Kidney Celia cholesterol, testosterone liver kidney I said that all of all of these options checkout. Let's get check dot com, and please use code Doctor Jess to save twenty percent at checkout and also make sure they know that. You heard about them here on the sex with Dr Jess podcast so without further ado. What we're GONNA. Do now is launch into the conversation that I had with. Amy, April and here we go I. Hope you enjoy it. What we're here to do. Today is to bring to podcasts together to answer some of your sex questions. We have some sex questions over here. We get them. All the time got every day I. Feel we get more and more questions. And then Jess has some as well for her listeners, and and and this is a wonderful opportunity to learn just can you just tell our listeners and your listeners? Of probably we heard this? If this is going on your podcast there's a little bit how you got to be where you are today. Sure share. Yes, so I was a high school teacher and I had all my students coming. Coming to me with all of these issues related to Saxon relationships whether it was abusive. Relationships are unplanned pregnancy, or as is, or if folks dealing with sexual assault and sexual shame or a history of sexual abuse, and as teacher, even with the as a teacher where the background in sex education I didn't have the tools that I needed to support my students, and so I what I saw was. Was a sex education system that lacking sway went back to do research to support teachers to deliver greater resources education support for students, so focusing on the topics that are of greatest interest students in Toronto, 'cause. That's where my research was conducted, and that was healthy relationships, HIV AIDS and sexual pleasure so trying to put a discussion of pleasure back into sex education Anat said exactly what I do today because. Because of course I graduated thought Oh. Maybe the school board will hire me as a consultant. They were like get that. How here so I you know? I started speaking a now. I mostly speak to audiences, mostly entrepreneurs, executives, and then I do some online work and of course I have my podcast Dr just that I hope host with my Hubby Brandon who is a civilian on sex educator, yes. Could bring this the civilian perspective partnership. Yes, I'm sure y'all can bring up some personal experiences to within your relationship. To the masses is Canada head in sex education ahead of the US. That's a great question so one thing that we have. It's quite different here. Is that our our our education curriculum whether that be in geography, history or human development and sexual health is mandated at the provincial, which is our equivalent of the state level, so so for example all over Texas or all over the province, Ontario everybody receives the same curriculum. Now of course the way you deliver curriculum the way a teacher interprets curriculum is going to vary from t-shirt classroom to classroom. Classroom, however, we don't have the system like in many states where it's religious school boards, and in some cases, schools decisions, so it's quite different I. It's an exciting time in Ontario where where I'm living, but also a frustrating time because we did update our sexual health curriculum again it's actually human development and sexual health part of the health and Physical Education Curriculum. It's not like there's a sex. Ed Class or sex ED credit, and we updated to be more inclusive to be more reflective of the times, but then we, we have a terrible.

00:05:09 - 00:10:17

are equivalent of a governor. We call it a premier. are equivalent of a state governor. You came in roll that back, so it's a frustrating time, but also an exciting time because we are seeing some changes, and of course teachers, parents and students are standing up to the government. We think about sex education. It's folks who are forced to the margins. WHO's out in the most significant ways right? We have sex education just talking about a penis going in. In a vagina, or what about people who have sex in very different ways that we have sex education talking about reproduction, but what about the peace around pleasure, communication, the nuances of of healthy relationships in you know Managing Jealous Union security and all that stuff. That's what we're trying to do to make sex education, more effective and more inclusive Yeah I love that. I it's. It's a hard one over here, too, and and. At least have the podcast outlet, you know this is a wonderful avenue for people to get their sex education. Anyone and everyone can access. They are says not censored quite yet. It's not our says explicit, but like anyone can listen to it. You know you could be writing and listen to us. They don't shut you down. Like instagram does for hosting anything. That's explicit. Yes, we're so yeah. We say Eff Bal. let's dive into some Sun. A couple of questions that we have here. There's one that I think kind of pertains to some of what we're talking about. In terms of education piece in terms of people, thinking that bodies should look with certain way. Specifically about Labia Labia Plastic and I'm saying that correctly so is from an anonymous listener, and we cannot answer together, but we're really curious about your perspective over there. In Canada, and so this question is, it says I have always struggled with thinking. My Labia is weird in highschool. A boy said it look like roast beef. When I got divorced, my ex-husband said some very hurtful things about them. As well after the worst seriously looked into surgery, I eventually met my now fiance and I've started to feel somewhat comfortable us so great and has given me so much confidence back and. And I that I previously lost however I just learned what labial high hypertrophy is I had never heard of it, but now I feel like there's something wrong with my body again it defines types by inches, and according to that I have type one one to two centimeters, if everyone is different, has different types or sizes. Why is there even a name for this issue? And do you have any advice with this? Thought Wow So. I would say first and foremost. just because a diagnosis or a name exists for something doesn't mean that something is wrong with you right so if we look at the history of diagnoses there are many diagnoses across the sexual spectrum. acknowledged are a healthy part of sexual fluidity in sexual identity. Right, so we have for instance, many queer identities, being solid is via psychology via Meta, the medical I'm going to call it in industry as opposed to just a feel and so i. want to really clarify so I'm a PhD I. Am Not an MD so I'm not GonNa talk from a medical perspective, but we have to remember that. Medical, terminology, medical diagnoses and same for psychological diagnoses and language are created by human beings and human beings have biased, so we were just GonNa take it back to you as a person right now, if your Labia are not causing you physical problems and the psychological problems that they're causing our Mo- more socio cultural rooted. Then you probably don't need to do anything about your Labia. I'm really sorry that you had these. Awful people in your life, who said these terrible things to and I'm GonNa Guess these these people whether it's the guy in high school or the ex. Husband said other nasty things right other other nasty things about you as a person. You don't need to change all those things so I don't think you need to begin by changing your. So of course in born bodies look fairly one dimensional right like all the boobs tend to be perfectly round perfectly even and the peanut stand straight up, and the butts are really Perky, and similarly the levy are released small. And these are often either anatomical anomalies, or they're filtering out other types of bodies but Libya come in all shapes and sizes and I wish we could do more to love ours, so I know that there is this thing that you can read about online called labial hypertrophy I- hypertrophy in on a sheriff I'm saying right either but if if it's not causing problems for you I. wouldn't I would just learn to love it. Spend more time touching it looking at it. Tasting it smelling it letting your partner admire it now I will say that there are some people who have had problems with the size of their Labia. Did have a client who? Found that it got in the way of her clothing found that she even had trouble having intercourse, because the inner lips would almost get pushed in because they hung low, and she was really happy with the results of of actually having some surgery I would say she is one in like.

00:10:17 - 00:15:03

You know ten thousand that I've spoken to him. That's an anecdotal number, not real data or anything like that. Many people have worked on down there, and I see many more stories from people who are adversely affected. Right on, you're not gonNA believe this. I had plastic surgeon. Email me. And say Oh, I perform this Costea and I removed part of the Labia and part of the clitoral. And now this patient is complaining that they can no longer have an orgasm, but can you please explain to her that I didn't touch her clitoris and I'm like dude. You touched her Turell. That is part of the clitoris. Yeah, that are foreskin, and when we rub on that hood it ropes on the internal cord or erectile tissue that we also call a shaft of the clitoris. When we rub on that area, it helps to get us off why rubbing and grinding humping furniture and humping your partner's leg. Grinding on top instead of bouncing up and down like a porn star feels so good, so I would just say that I hope you're not what I hope that you can work through this regardless of whether it's with your fiance or just with yourself. If it's not causing physical problems, really let's get over all of the nonsense that is sold to us in a world that profits from us. Heating our bodies, and sells US hate of our bodies to revolutionary actress to light your body, and I wish we could spend more time on that. That makes sense. A lot more to say. That's the best advice I think just getting Mir and actually. Working with what you look like I, I I, mean I've struggle with that because I actually have a labia tear, and so there was a lot of swelling and pain involved in sex for a long time, and from the age of eighteen that that happened, and it took me a long time to actually love the scar, and to love my my vulva again, and we just watched both separately watched the goop lab with a Betty Dodson. And her work on Net flicks and She's all about just embracing your bites. It's yours. It's like your fingerprint. And they showed all these different volvos on their on. Yeah, they did. Yeah all these different, all these different shots of the diversity of Labia included in all colors, shapes sizes so I would say also for this listener. Go in. Don't look. Don't look at Porn to save. Since he the diversity of of Volpe's go look at something like that. That episode on on on Netflix's on the. Bland or Owen S to. Is that online program that we talk about on our podcast all the time which is educational? And Informative and it's all about how to learn how to pleasure body. There's two different, seizes internal and external measure and they showed the diversity of Labia of overs of clitorises, clearly at Glitterati. Glitter is what is over multiple. There's like specific words I never get knocked resources. Yeah, it's. A tour. I forgot who said it. Wednesday Marin. Bet and but yeah, that's the part is a lot of people are just unfamiliar, and then you have some that shines you and tells you. There's something wrong with you and. They're just trying to help. Make you fit into some. You know cultural norm, and also because they don't. They're uneducated or they're uncomfortable or they're either. They're putting their whole nonsense about how they think the world should work on you, and that's just not fair. Who Was it was at Oliver Wild? I think that, said something to the effect of the greatest romance. You'll ever have in your life as the one that you have with yourself so it's so true fall in love with yourself. Every part of yourself love it and. Then, you'll find that you'll get loved back. Yeah, totally. And, sex plays a big role in this, the more your body kind of performs for you in gives to you and the more you enjoy, the more you'll come to love it. We find this like you know if you don't like your stomach, but then all the and you when you don't like your stomach, for example you don't let anybody touch it. You never touch it. It you never look at it, but then all of a sudden when you allow yourself to derive pleasure from it, you start to see it in a different light and I use a stomach as an example because that's another area where we feel a lot of shame of a walk around holding our tummies end, but yeah, I think I. Hope You get to touch your sophomore. Joy more and really not worry about these jerks in your past, because this is on them, then they're probably very uncomfortable with their own penises or their own lives, or their own balls, or their but holes, or whatever it is. They're hangups with their body. Let them own that and you own learning to like yourse-. In the last thing, I'll say, is that something? They have a really great opportunity with our current partner. WHO's now wonderful? It's I'm curious if they've this listener has actually shared with their current partnered their insecurities and their past trauma, shame of people shaming them, and to maybe make an opportunity for inviting their current partner to tell them you maybe meet more often. You can tell me how beautiful my policy is, and you know how you live at tastes and the smell and they can work together with that of course authentically. Sometimes we also nourishment barriers. You know it can be hard to take things into also to practice taking in every sub.

00:15:03 - 00:20:07

Your partner tells you that you're. Beautiful or that? They love to taste it and touch it and pleasure. Your pleasure you to really take a moment to let that sink in because sounds like in the past. opposite. so yeah, good luck to you! Yeah, you're not alone since auto Dr Justice's advice. That's nailed it. Yeah, you're awesome death. You. Everything you're saying makes sense so much sense to me to and love that like telling your partner to reinforce it. It's not your partners job to me. Go Love your body. You've got to arrive there. Loving it, but they should never ever be detracting from that either on purpose or inadvertently so more power in that I think we tend to be kind of silent. Feel so good like we're. We're silent culture in the West. Ray-ban we eat were supposed to eat quietly. We're supposed to make any noise. And so we stifle every form of verbal expression, and so that you know comes out in the bedroom. Choose to let them know. It is not rude to talk with your mouth full like get down there and talk with your mouth fall. Yeah, we live in little tiny box is boxes. Get Out of that box. You answer another question for us. To. This one is. From another anonymous listener, so I am assist gendered. Heterosexual male in my thirties, I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. Beginning at around the age of two both my biological father and brother engaged in sexual behavior with me over a period of ten years. My Dad began to stop the behavior, but my brother escalated to frequently raping me. I've been in therapy for years and continue to deal with a lot of sexual shame, self hatred, fear of physical intimacy and somatic trauma erection in education is usually painful as I have a lot of trouble relaxing myself. I get migraines and have even experienced associated seizures during past consensual sex experiences. I recently began dating someone. It's been thirteen years since I have considered going out with someone I don't know how to talk to her. And she's been making it clear that she is interested in having sex with me I'm terrified, but yet I also really like her. Genuinely want to experience sexual intimacy. I have a great therapist who has been wonderful at helping me. He'll. But when it comes to this kind of stuff, it's really not her field of expertise. What do you think is a good way to let my new S oh? No, my story, and are there things we can do to make sex less threatening for me That's that's. You so much for the courage for writing US Essner. Yeah thank thank you for sharing your story. I think I know. This can be very difficult and I really admire the way you express yourself emotionally. It sounds like you really cultivated a degree of emotional expression and literacy that is going to lay the groundwork for healthy relationships. I think that is far more important than any sex technique or any amount of sexual experience or any other kind of fanatics that you have in the bedroom that capacity to express yourself with vulnerability. And with that emotional openness is gonNA carry us. Far first and foremost I think it's important that you talk to your partner before you proceed with sex and also. Open your mind to different types of sexual experiences to begin with so we again when we think about heterosexual sex, think about a Pena's going in a vagina. Or something going some sort of an office and sex can be so much more than that so if we start with the conversation, I think a good place to start is to ask your partner what they're interested in what makes them comfortable? What arouses them what them pleasure and ask them about their own experiences like where I have this questionnaire. On sexual values that I often share with with couples and groups where it begins with what does sex mean to you? Because sex is celebrated in our culture as this thing that is supposed to be amazing all the time, and it's so good, and we should all enjoy it, but the reality is if you've experienced trauma center may not be experienced as something positive, and that's your reality. That doesn't mean that through therapy and through your own work. Work you can't learn to experience. Sex is something pleasurable, but it isn't. Your baseline isn't your default, and that's an important message to convey to your new significant other have so I would begin by asking. What does sex mean to you? What were some of the messages that you were raised? With? Which of these messages do you want to retain? Which of these messages do want to discard? Are there you know often I start with our intergenerational? Norms that you want to rework for yourself and then this gives you an opportunity to.

00:20:08 - 00:25:02

Share your story as well so I have a sexual values questionnaire that will send to you and we'll post. You wanted to go through it. It is not specifically. Focused on trauma, but it might be a place to start for questions to even consider for yourself first and then bring to your partner. You can say you know. I was listening to this podcast and they shared this tool with us, and I have some challenges around sex I. WanNa Talk To. Talk to you about you can say no. I am interested in an intimate relationship on interested, perhaps in a sexual relationship, but I have to have this conversation and I think you know if you have a supportive partner. They're going to be very open to hearing this especially the way you communicate with honesty invulnerability. That's the first part. Can you set time aside for the conversation? Can you both open? Your mind to the fact that sex can be experiencing so many different ways like you. You can't experience sexual pleasure, kissing and hugging and snuggling and touching. If you're ready for that, and there's no reason why one experience has to escalate to another. I think some has we avoid all affection and all intimate touch, even all sexual and erotic touch, because we are afraid that it's going to lead to one thing or another. When in fact, thank goodness twenty twenty. We're talking about consent at every stage in the process so and then and then thirdly. I would encourage you to think about how you experience pleasure in all forms, what are all the different types of pleasure? You embrace whether it's food or drink, or are or other types of awe in nature. I'm because hope. Perhaps you're working through this with your therapist already, but if you're not I think it's really important to embrace enjoying the physical sensations in your body, and how they connect to the psychological emotional, and of course, the psychogenic reactions that occur when somebody touches you so I. I hope this helps a little very big question. I'm happy. You have therapy support you. You might also consider speaking to a trauma informed sex therapist as well, and we put out some links for you in that you know in that regard, because if this therapist does isn't prepared to talk about sex, I acknowledge and appreciate that they've set that boundary, but you know sex of course doesn't occur in evacuation, and so if you're talking about relationships if you're talking about communication if you're talking about emotional connection You may also want to talk about sex yet. That was something I thought about shoes. The the have it may be a secondary therapists of some sort who is more geared towards sexuality, because a lot of was it like they need ten hours of training in a lot of the therapeutic psychological, whatever institutions and it's not something that is that they go into an in depth in a lot of the trainings and something else. The a Komi training was a two to your holistic psychotherapy training. We talk about the window of tolerance in there, and that you hang on the window tolerance when you're resource, do you can be in your body can be connected to yourself or to others, and you go outside the window tolerance when you're either panic mode or associated mode of some sort where you kind of like. You're leaving your body as a trauma response to try to help you. It's actually your brilliant and so kind of adding onto what you're saying. Justice with your new partner when you actually do start to touch to create boundaries where you're allowed to. You're going really really slow, and maybe practicing speaking not even touching genitals, maybe nine Meghan sexual hands and arms and things and noticing maybe like adding a number system when you attend like panic. Amount of four five six. We need to stop what we're doing and to see what it feels like. When your body gets more activated and went or when you start to dissociate, and to really play with getting a greater understanding of when your body shifts in what you need in those moments junior to hug. Do you need to six deep breaths? Do you need personal space? You need to phone a friend Starting to explore that in whether ideas that can keep you in the window of tolerance, while you're in sensual sexual settings, and it will, it will be a a practice start that practice outside of a beaten. Just you know sexual. Two things I wanted to add to. That came up. When both of your talking I love. All of that is doing some I don't know if as we talked about MDR therapy before when that's for, folks have experienced a lot of trauma and also cranial sake roll, which is the trauma that get stuck in the body, so it's more of a holistic approach, but it is very successful and look it up if you have a a cranial sacral worker that they have to be specific, and they can actually help you move through it's going to.

00:25:02 - 00:30:11

To be a a process because this is severe trauma I mean obviously it's going to be stuck. It's from childhood and I would recommend just really taking up an approach from all angles from the from the brain to body, because trauma can get stuck and This is a heavy situation, and hopefully there are people out there. That will be able to help you that have more expertise in the therapist now in that specific field. Because you're going to have to talk to someone that that really knows how to work through that, so yeah, that's. My heart goes against listener so much absolutely yet in. Thank thank you for sharing because I'm sure there are other people. Obviously. There are many people with similar stories and it is. It's work as a process in. It's obviously never a quick fix, and even when you think that you know. Maybe you've overcome one piece. You're always moving through it right, so you might. For example work release slowly through different types of touch and mindful touch and Meditative Tach, and then eventually might have an experienced. That feels sexual. You might have many experiences that feel sexual and go really well, and then months years later. You could have won that. That feels traumatic. They've feels triggering. And you'll be able to acknowledge or recognize your triggers and other times you won't, but it's not a linear process and I don't ever want you to feel like it's a step back if you're if you're struggling yet again, I think sometimes we think. When were healing from anything including trauma? That would like we're. We're sending a hill. When in fact, it's always you know many kind of hills and valleys and bumps in the road I love. That's exactly what I was. GonNa say it's not linear. It's not a switch. You can't just unfortunately just switch and turn it off. It's there and you just have to learn how to have the tools to work through it, and it's really going to be an all encompassing approach. Just we understand that you have some questions from your listeners as well so we love to hear your questions and your inches. Maybe we can help to contribute not as well so what you got. I sent so I. I have one from a listener who says I was watching your youtube videos listening to the podcast on the interesting since I'm visually impaired. Almost blind I was wondering what to do about a problem I have since I, contact is very important and sexual attraction. What do I do instead of it? It's difficult to create attraction if I can't gaze into someone or read there is you have any advice on this? Can you point me in the right direction? Yeah one of the one of my thoughts I mean you have all these different senses, and actually I was I think of like sensory deprivation, and how when we take away one of the senses that heightens these other ones, and we put so much emphasis on I think on our vision. What we see and I and I love all these different models or sexuality like sexuality for new and I see a naked body. That's not what gets me going. What gets me going is the words that are said in the type of touching the energy there some energetic person in terms of how that works for me, and and so the the visual part isn't really for me necessarily at top priority, so you have all these other things you're hearing. Your sense of smell yards tastes the touch of your skin in someone, else's skin and so exploring the more, and they're talking about a kind of it seems like more than initial phases though of attraction and. And connection there too and so I would think in there maybe touches the part of that in because that's like later part of the negotiation, but. Really the hearing their voice and their tones of what how this person speaks to sound how that resonates in your body You're here is really big thing for you in terms of your very auditory I am Isla I could take away close my eyes, and just listen to the sounds of a sexual experience and I love that, and what I what came up for me with this particular question was number one. Speaking, using what how what talking about what you're experiencing that you're not seeing so I smell your your I. Don't know your scent or you wear. Your smells like police Santo. And I and I be also talking about if you are touching a can I touch your face, and then just while your skin feels so silky or so so rough, whatever it feels like talk about that, and then what's happening within your body I'm getting a tinguely's station in my genitals, or in my fingertips, or wherever that's what was happening, and that can be really hot, also, if the other person that's involved in the experience isn't visually impaired. Maybe they could be blindfolded and you both do. Together of what they highly going gone inside of their mind, and with their senses, so and then, if you want to incorporate touch talk about that you can have it like this exponential were of thing that is fun, and not so much pressure with the gazing, 'cause my gaze can also get awkward I am really uncomfortable sometimes when there's d by gazing, I have to be prepared for.

00:30:11 - 00:35:02

For that, so you don't necessarily need to be turned on or or put out you know. The fires can still be lit I, think you you and I are worn on the same sexual cloud because I find the contact really intimidating in fact when I really want push, my boundaries is when I will look at my partner in the eye during sex, for example and I mean we're. We're close comfortable together like nineteen years. But that I contact is so intense whereas the voice, the voice is relaxing so soothing like it just sucks me in and when I think of all particularly with men, not as much with women for me, but with when I think of the Manam attracted to. They all have something in common in their voice like there's a certain tone so I think about. Let's say you're friends with someone or your your acquaintances with someone in. You're trying to move it. into a more romantic direction I think even just changing the tone of your voice like I've so many tones of my voice that I use for different things, and this is like my natural voice right now it's kind of like you and high and not very sexy. But I shift my voice depending on the message I'm trying to send and I feel that so much more powerful than just eye contact I know that sex experts always say like Oh. If you want more information, look your partner in the eye, and I get the value in that. Understand that you know we get this boosting oxytocin and hey, it works with your dog to do you know Matt. Contact with doll. That's why your little dog won't look at you when it when it wants to disobey you right? Guy and. So I love that you're bringing this often. It reminds me of. I wrote a book with Marla. Renee Stewart, and she talks about the seduction learning styles, and how you're learning style often aligns with how you want to be seduced, or in the languages of this listener create attraction rights. If you're really audio person, if you're very visual person and I love the way you also described what you're feeling, I'm not very good at that, but my partners really good at that really gets me going so I love like if using all five senses and really tuning in because mostly, we kind of move mindlessly like right as I speak, you're not. Not really listening to the tone of my voice to the energy and my voice, primarily, you're trying to hear what I'm saying in terms of content, but if we shift up and really tune in like to the other layers of each of these senses, it gives us such deeper deeper experience in a different type of as this person says attraction, but I think about seduction is all about presents. It is being right in that moment like meditation being in the moment, and feeling all the feelings smelling all the smells hearing. Whatever you're here, there's so many ways to do. This I think Contra Right, which is wonderful. I loved the. CONTRAS gazing brings with each other. Here's a lot more to it. And it really is that presence in it's using all the body's senses as a means towards awakening aliveness and deep connection now you don't have to just do it my love that. Kind of the breath work that you could also breathe with your partner Ciller. Yeah, you gotta feel their chest or other heartbeat That's very deep. Yeah, I love the boy. Win With the blindfold that you said Oh brilliant job. Okay and there's research that shows that our bodily functions get in sync with one another. When we become in sync right like your heartbeat saints, your breath rates, thanks, and so there are all these different way. It's not like our blinking rates. Thanks God my husband could never keep up because I. Blink average whose accounts. So, so but those other things you can still be really in tune with soya I mean. I think it's really important to know. That is no deficit here. In in fact as you said it can be more, it could be enhanced called mirroring just learned about this actually Dr Justice's called mirroring. Its biological humans do it when they spend a lot of time. Time with each other. They sync up. You Start Avian I do it sometimes she'll cross your legs and look Gabor sitting the exact same way right now with our hands like in between our legs. It's funny, so I love that nearing and you can do it with us. You can do it with people how they speak as well in mere what they say. Yeah we'll use that in business all the time of sales. They tell you to Niro. People's Behavior Mirror their language mirror their tone near their volume, so all these different options I think it's so interesting the way we create attraction, and and also it's highly individual. For. Some people I contact is really important and for others, and even though you can still be looking at one another's directions, even if you are blind, right, there are all these different ways and I'm sure that this would be a better question in for somebody who is blind to show their respective, so maybe they're. We can consider for the future because we. We're not the experts for sharing whatever perspective in states we have.

00:35:03 - 00:36:35

A good idea for an upcoming podcasting. Yeah, say someone else. Listener out there, right? That has anything to splitting flu. Love to hear what you have to say as well Okay so I now that we could do this forever because we have so many questions that we would like to answer, and we get them all the time issues and soda. You just and we promised to do this again because he be beat not. To be continued. Yeah, to be continued but again thank you saw all of our listeners injustice, asking questions, and just your effing awesome. And Fila Canadian accent yeah. Canadian am warms my heart. I love it. Yeah, yeah, it's my I'm in my house. Well all right well, thank you so much. Really appreciate it. and. That's a wrap I love hearing the perspectives of other. Experts in the field and I hope that you got something out of that too I know that you'll be checking out the shameless sex podcast and continuing to follow along with Amy Baldwin in April Lampert. Be sure to check out. Let's get checked dot com. If you need any help tests that you can do from home. Use Code Doctor Jess at checkout next week I'll be back again I. Promise I'm going to get Brandon back here because I missed that guy I mean he's here all the time. He's just not here at this moment so wherever you're at, have a great one. You're listening to the sex with Dr Jasser podcast. Improve your sex life. Improve Your Life.